Sunday, August 15, 2010

Not such a pain in the ass after all...

Weird title right? I actually wasn't planning on blogging about my recent colonoscopy ~ I mean, how much do you really need to know about me anyway... BUT I think I need to.


From the time I turned 50 that's all I've heard from my doctors... gotta schedule a colonoscopy. I did what I always do in uncomfortable situations, I avoided it ~ like the plague. I've heard all the horror stories. That the prep (drinking a gallon of nasty fluid and flushing out your system) is worse than the procedure.

I've heard stories of people having the procedure done while fully awake and alert (ouch) or waking up during the procedure ~ no thanks! I think the worst I heard was the "conscious sedation." Apparently you are awake during ~ but don't remember anything afterwards. I think this scared me the most because a) you still feel the pain (I'm not a fan of pain) and b) I've heard it "uninhibits" you while under and have heard of people cussing and saying all kinds of things they wouldn't normally say. That really scares me, not being in control of what I say or do ~ which is why I don't drink heavily anymore cause boy could I tell you some stories of things I've done then... anyway... getting back to the subject at hand...

I've had people tell me the stuff you have to drink has an oily substance and of people who tried but couldn't keep it down ~ of crying and vacating and vomiting all at the same time. Not pretty pictures for sure.

Recently though, I had a very good friend ~ female, late 40's diagnosed with colon cancer, just about a year after her husband was also diagnosed. They caught his through a routine screening and after surgery and 6 months of chemo, he is doing great. She thought there might be a problem and went to a doctor who told her it was probably nothing and not to worry about it. Her husband, after having colon cancer, had her schedule a colonoscopy anyway. Sure enough, it was cancer. Hers was caught early enough that the surgery itself was considered a cure. Thank goodness she didn't take the first doctors' advice and "not worry about it." Anyway it all hit too close to home so I sucked it up and schedule the much dreaded colonoscopy.

People, let me tell you ~ It was nothing! The stuff you have to drink has the consistency of water. They give you flavor packets with it although I have since heard that you can actually add Crystal Light to it to make it taste better. I didn't find the taste that offensive to begin with. It kinda tasted like alka seltzer which I happen to like (I'm weird, I know!). Trick is to get it nice and cold and drink it through a straw (thanks Patty). It goes down without an issue. The second half of the gallon was harder than the first but only because drinking a gallon of anything would be a bit much. You have a glass every 20 minutes. Yes, there are multiple trips to the restroom but even that wasn't a big deal.

The procedure itself really was painless. I went to a small surgery center. You put on a (not so) cute little gown and they cover you in nice warm blankets, which I love! Yes, there is the slight pinch of an IV but that was the only thing that could have even been considered a pain and it wasn't. After taking some vitals, they wheel you into the room where the very nice anesthesiologist chats as he injects something into your IV. You have about a half of a second where things get fuzzy and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into recovery. 2 seconds into recovery ~ I was fine. No pain, no grogginess ~ nothing except HUNGRY!

So I guess the worst part for me was not eating for 36 hrs. Oh, I did have some jello the day before but I'm not much of a jello fan and it really doesn't fill you up. My darling husband who stayed by my side the whole time (except during the procedure) stopped at Sonic on the way home and got me a BLT which, even though it only had one piece of bacon on it, was the best thing I had ever eaten!

In otherwords, DON'T put this off. If you are over 50 or have any issues that might need taken care of ~ just do it! Don't listen to all those people and their horror stories. It really was no big deal. I'm certainly glad it's over and with great results. I apparently have a "perfect colon" (Insert your own joke here) and I don't have to do this again for 10 more years. I feel great mentally that I had this done ~ such piece of mind. Please, please, please take care of yourself! You are way too important not to!

On a final note, I don't like doing posts without pics and since the only pic I have is of the inside of my colon ~ something even I am not willing to share, here's a picture of another asshole for you....


6 comments:

Trish said...

Bwahahahahahaha! Perfect end (to the post, and congratulations for having your own "perfect end" LOL)

jillytacy said...

I'm laughing out loud at the ending of your post, too funny!! Glad everything went okay with the procedure!

michelle pena said...

I read your blog all the time and LOVE this post!!! The whole story is inspiring and comforting and the ending is hysterical!! You have a true gift for writing!!

Grandma Judy said...

"...picture of another asshole..."

hahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahah

Sandra :) said...

Apparently you're a perfect a$$ho ... errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr never mind - I'll keep it clean ;)

This whole post had me in stitches from title to the perfect ending - I say ....

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anonymous said...

This post is the reason I like coming to your blog and reading whatever you write! Thanks for the morning laugh.
I had the same experience when I had a colonoscopy done so know you are SO right about how easy it can be. Glad your results were so good.
Ginny :)