It's 4:45 in the morning and I can't sleep. I hope what I write won't prevent you from sleeping but I can't guarantee it.
Tomorrow (well, today really) is the last day of school here. I found out yesterday that one of the children in our school died the night before. It was a little girl in third grade. She died as a result of peanut allergies. She was at a friends house and ate a piece of chocolate that I guess had nuts in it. The friend's family did not know about her allergies and there was no epi pen. That is pretty much all of the story that I know except her name and who's class she was in.
I don't know if they told her classmates yesterday but it didn't spread around the school if they did because Julianne didn't know anything about it. I guess that's a good thing.
I got a message via facebook tonight from someone at the school letting me know that there will be a memorial service on Saturday and that the parents are asking for donations to help pay for the funeral in lieu of flowers.
I'm not laying any blame here. I can't even imagine what those parents must be going through. And yet, it crosses my mind over and over ~ the thought of losing one of my children. It's unbearable. Can you imagine what the parents of the friend (and her little friend) must also be feeling? How helpless they must have felt. I don't know what was done, or what wasn't. Like I said, no blame here. Just a head and heart swirling with emotions for all the people involved.
I will not be going to the service. I really didn't know this little girl. Julianne looked her up in the yearbook and recognized her as someone who used to wave at me. I get that a lot. As PTO vice president, I'm sometimes in and out of the classrooms a lot as well as being pretty visible at all the functions. I know it would be perfectly acceptable for me to go to pay my respects but I can't. I just can't. I think to sit in a room with this grieving family would be just more than I could handle. Is that selfish of me? Probably. What could I even say to them to give them comfort? I really don't know. I already think life is way to fragile. To see the reality of it isn't something I can put myself through.
As much as I will try to bury my head in the sand and pretend this didn't happen just to make it easier on me ~ while these poor parents try to pay for a funeral they sure didn't expect .... This is why I'm up and unable to sleep at 4:45.
I've already whispered a prayer both for these families involved and to thank God that my family is right here with me. I hope you will do the same.